The Whiskas Chronicles: C.S.I. – Cat Scene Investigation

Posted: June 9, 2009 in animals, Life, Spain, Tenerife

We weren’t even aware that a crime had been committed until agent Andy spotted an incriminating lone burr on the kitchen worktop and immediately a CSI (Cat Scene Investigation) was initiated. Suddenly pieces of a jigsaw we never even knew existed began to slip into place and we compared notes.

17.00: Whiskas is in the same position he’s been in most of the day (most of his life to be more accurate), lying crashed out on his side in the shade of our neighbour’s palm tree a good 50 yards away. Actually he doesn’t lie completely in the shade, but favours a half and half position. Half his body in the sun, half in the shade – Whiskas is a ‘best of both worlds’ sort of cat.

17.10: It’s time for us to have our daily peach ripeness check. Ladders are manoeuvred into position between the branches of the peach tree. I contort my body to avoid shaking the tree and creating a peach windfall. Whiskas appears to still be in a deep sleep, but there is one factor which never escapes his attention. He could be bound, blindfolded, locked in a lead lined box and be buried 10 feet below the ground and he still know the second that:

a)    We weren’t in the house and…
b)    The front door is lying open.

17.30: We return to the house with a basket full of peaches. Whiskas is sitting wide awake just inside the front door. His ‘house empty’ early warning radar system had clearly alerted him and he’s obviously had a good look around, but his expression says ‘I’ve done nothing wrong here; I’m just sitting here minding my own business’. Who knows how long he’s had unescorted access to the house? But there’s no food out; there are no greasy dishes, or buttery forks worth licking lying around. There is no crime to commit.

17.35: Whiskas sits on the front terrace cleaning. This is something he does after eating. This is suspicious…but circumstantial.

20.00: The goat’s cheese and spinach tart is in the oven; we crack a beer and lean against the kitchen worktop…that’s when Andy spots the burr and Whiskas’ perfectly executed robbery is exposed.

In a CSI you have to let the evidence paint the picture, and what a vivid one it painted.

The spot that Whiskas has chosen to lie in is beside a plant which litters the ground with sticky burrs.
Every day when Whiskas comes home after ‘sunbathing’, he leaves a trail of these burrs all over the terrace – I also have to pick a load from his haunches, usually earning me an ungrateful nip on the hand in the process.
Ergo the presence of the burr on the worktop was proof that Whiskas had been on the worktop. This is a serious no-no and he knows it.

Still at this point we’re talking about a minor misdemeanour…until Andy connected the final piece of the puzzle.

“You had Manchego cheese for lunch, right?”
“Yep.”
“And you cut off the rind and put it in the compost tray?” (We keep a little Tupperware bowl beside the cooker for any food scraps that might be good for composting down).
“Yeah, there was quite a lot of it, why?”

Andy grabbed the compost tray and held it so I could see its contents, or lack of them; all that was left was an egg shell. The cheese rind was gone. So that’s what the little bugger had been scoffing.

If it hadn’t been for the burr, we’d never have known a thing; almost the perfect crime. But thanks to CSI the cheeky culprit of the crime that never happened was well and truly caught.

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