I’m just popping out to the shops to get some spiders for dinner…

Posted: September 10, 2008 in Life
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Around 210,000 people go missing in the UK every year. I don’t know how many of these disappear after ‘popping out to the shops’ to get some fags, milk, lager etc, but something occurred to me as we finally rescued a tiny lizard who’d been trapped in our bathroom for the last few weeks.

We’d assumed that he (it might have been a she – I don’t know how to tell) had fallen through the skylight and hadn’t been able to find their way out and, for the last few weeks, was living off the occasional spider underneath the towel chest.

We’d never been able to get close; every time the lizard emerged and we tried to ‘help’ it make its escape, it legged it back under the chest before we could catch it…until yesterday. This time, instead of heading for the chest, it ran into a corner and I was able to drop a sieve over it and take it to a better place; i.e. the garden.

However, as I released the lizard into its bright new world some doubts entered my head. Supposing he liked living in our bathroom? Suppose there was a Mrs lizard and two baby lizards waiting for him underneath the chest and he’d just popped out to ‘pick up’ a spider to for dinner? His disappearance would remain a mystery for ever to his family.

Maybe it’s no different with us humans. There could be invisible superior life forms looking down on poor souls living in poverty in inner city ghettos and one day, when some poor little sod pops out to the shops, the beings decide to rescue them and before said poor soul knows it, hey ho, they’ve been whisked off to a nicer place; Maybe Hay-on-Wye.

Who knows?


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